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The more things change, the more they stay the same.
A hundred years from now, who will notice.
Some times the faster you go, the behinder you get.
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
Life is sexually transmitted.
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
In the 60′s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, “I think I’ll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?”
Who was the first person to say, “See that chicken there? I’m gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it’s butt.”If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don’t point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Feel free to add your own in the comments section. I can think of another dozen.
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